lifeblood. fate. heart and soul

finally its becoming real

2009-10-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

i won't lie, i do suffer from an eating disorder. the obsession of wanting to be thin, skinny and boney is slowly taking over me mentally!

i've gone to a counseling but i don't find its helping. i can't help be whenever i eat to go and throw up. i did it today, i relapsed. i didn't do it for 2 days, and it was just too suffering. even worse is when i don't even have my weighting scales now. i need them, i feel insecure ):

but admitting it, does it mean i'm seeking for more attention? fuck, i need to stop thinking. i feel like my housemates aren't as close to me than they use to be, i feel like they judge me because of my problem. now i'm confused. i really just wish i could talk to somebody who understands what i'm going through and be able to cry about it comfortabley. maybe i need to get back to work again. maybe i need to keep myself busy and actually quit drinking. but why am i depress? i'm not! i can't be, i'm suppose to be the HAPPY GIRL! the one that makes ppl happy, the one that makes ppl laugh, or shall i say have a good laugh at. really, what's wrong with me? x

my party life so far...

2009-10-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

alrighty (: i haven't really been blogging much about my party life in uni right now that's because i had no time to actually sit down and type everything out. i've been to ocean and the su to start off. plus a few bars and pubs. wait for this, somehow ended in mansfield on one night.

i've just been the typical kate when drunk - crazy, wild as usual. nothing special right.

here's just some photos:

she said lifting me was like lifting nothing

nat: let's go and take photos with random guys!

Sophie Road Crew (:
Hanna, Claire, Nat and Me!

here's with Anna - Our Adopted Housemate

Trent Army Night!!

Trying to be Proper Gangster here!

lecture from friday

2009-10-18T14:17:00.000-07:00

on friday afternoon i attend possibility the most interesting lecture i've ever attended in nottingham trent! haha, pretty fell asleep in every class with chris brown. don't worry this post will be quite short! won't be an entire "lecture note" lenght.

Michelangelo, a renaissance scupltor and art. he was often known as "The Divine" one during his lifetime. but what really caught was when he was painting/scuplting/whatever the Sistine Chapel, he did everything himself - literally everything adding on in a quick time. he was done in 18 months. but was amazed me was when he was on his final "check-up" on the Sistine Chapel work, he literally scraped away everything, and ruined all his hardwork. when asked by Pop Julius the Second, he simply said ,"it just wasn't good enough." therefore he redid the whole Sistine Chapel until it reached his satisfaction.

the point of that was as an artist, he was a man who suffered for his art (he had pernament eye damage and a weak back after the Sistine Chapel) a man with the "divine spirit" - simply a genius. he has something, and could see something and feel something that no one else could. he had the driving force that made him being beyond anything else.

i want to be that person, that person whose a "genius" who has a driving force that no one else could imagine. right now though life is a bit hard for me, but i'm adapting to it cause i know in the end of the day, everything single hardwork i put into it will be reward in the end of the day (: x

apologizes

2009-10-13T01:22:00.000-07:00

i apologize to those who actually keep up with my blog.

i've just been very busy working for the past 2 weeks, plus now i'm back in uni it'll be even more hectic. but remember i'm super woman! haha, i can do anything (: x

2009-09-26T15:34:00.000-07:00

this seems kinda accurate, and its facebook application or maybe its just because i'm incredible tired right now.

first "prediction" was: "kate sweet, you will feel strong and sure of yourself."
second "prediction" (after refreshing it) was: "... forgot." but its was something about success.

this might just the sorta quote it gives out to all people, or maybe its a sign.
AHHH I THINK TOO MUCH. x

2009-09-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

FINGER WERE CROSSED AND I'VE GOT IT (:

PS. don't ask me what my jobs about because i really don't know how to explain it
PPS. i'm hoping to make a £1000 in 2 months

2009-09-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

FINGERS CROSS FOR TOMORROW!
I REALLY NEED THIS

puzzled ):

2009-09-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

i don't understand, it seems like you are trying to tell me something.
but then again, you aren't.

you are giving the right signals
but then are the signals you giving meant to mean what they meant.

you confuse me, you puzzle me,
you make me think there's a chance but really its impossible

i really don't know whether to be direct to you
or
just wait for you to tell me how you feel

frustration ):

2009-09-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

never knew looking for a job was this hard! i just feeling pulling my hair out ): i'm making the effort well i'm putting more than 100% to be frank. this is just because i wanna go back to malaysia during christmas ): why must traveling be so expensive.
-
i really don't know what i'm getting myself into! haha applying for random jobs! first a box office assistant? then to a bloody call center, and one job that i completely don't know what its about. that's just life for me isn't it. x

mime's night

2009-09-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

here we go (: photos from claire's 23rd birthday; theme was mime's. haha i took mine off in the middle of our little barcrawl cause my face was itching + alcohol allergies doesn't help too. x

my housemate, claire and me (:
after the wild night out.

in the living room with claire and her friends

in cucumara's
most of the mimes that went into town (:

claire's 23rd birthday party

2009-09-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

i came back to my new house especially to celebrate my new housemate - claire's 23rd birthday (: chilled around until i had to get ready. just 2 shots i was erm... a bit tipsy, but sobered up in the shower before hitting the heavy stuff and more SHOTS! left for town early (: went to cucumara, walkabout and ended at rock city!

haha was an adventure. i got BARRED! I NEVER GET BARRED! haha, just from the bar. a bartender SHE didn't want to serve anymore, as she served me once and i could've gotten serve quicker than others. she didn't like it so i just told someone that she won't serve because she served me alright. but i was just stating facts! oh it was a good night, very good night to get to know my housemate as well (: she's lovely and easy! i hope she thinks the same of me. haha x

PS. photos will be here soon! (stolen from claire's camera)

2009-09-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

question to kate: why do all i care about nowadays is how i look and my body weight?

answer to kate: because you're just egotistic and selfish, plus don't give a fuck about the people and the world around you

reply to "answer" by kate: that's not true. i care about people and the world around me, just as much as i care about myself.

"answer's" reply to kate: okay... no comment.

life's a bitch sometimes

2009-09-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

well life's been pretty much a bitch lately, but then things are turning around. i guess all we have to do sometimes is just to be patient and blame no one (though we tend to point fingers because we believe its the right thing to do) plus (one of the three advice my mum gave me) don't worry about things you can't do on that ever moment. instead relax and worry about it when its time to.

sometime last week, i was thinking i've found another way to being a better person. i've decided never to judge a book by its cover adding on always see the good things in people instead of the bad things. it won't just make it easier for me to get to know them, but don't you think (even though we all do bitch) its possibility the most tiring thing ever. because a thing called karma does exist and in the end of the day it'll turn around and you'll be the victim. x

siobhan's 21st!

2009-09-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

it was great to be back though there was plenty drama has already happened. but i shall blog them later (: right now for my first night out when i was back in notts was siobhan's 21st birthday. its good to be back. realized how much i've missed my friends and my partying side of me.

face painting (theme was UV Rave Party)
a night of ring of fire (bad luck to me, i don't know how many times i had to down the middle)
cucumara, BZR
McD and shoeless walking home with siobhan

that night was ace (: i had so much fun with them. i realized something there's actually a big difference between KL partying and England partying. haha i won't state it here, but i still enjoy both. as long as i'm with friends i always have a good time (: x

the graphic trio (:
siobhan, charlie and me!

siobhan and martin are together right now (:
happy for them! they are sound too!

me and siobhan
her face paint is gorgeous!

back to reality

2009-09-11T03:41:00.000-07:00

finally i'm back to reality - back in england now! the travelling to be honest has been weird. 13 hrs on airasia + 4 hrs and a half on coach to notts + 1 hr and a half to tibshelf, that's pretty much been my journey for the whole of thursday, so i actually waste the whole of thursday travelling! wow, how fun!

anyways now being back in notts, hopefully by tomorrow i'll be able to get my keys to my house and on to siobhan's birthday party! can't wait to see her and charlie (: missed them during summer! x

the meaning of my name as from facebook

2009-09-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

Inspiring but melodramatic
Artistic but extreme
Thoughtful but slow
Perceptive but paranoid

that's is supposedly is the meaning of my name.
maybe its me but maybe not
who knows! x

mix feelings

2009-09-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

mum been saying that i'm been uptight recently. and i've asked her why, she said i just am. i figured out the reason why. i've been like this for the past few weeks. everythings been getting on my nerves, literally everything.

going back to england this time i have mix feelings. i don't know why i just do. first stop, i need to deal with my bloody housing. due to hanna's absents i'll be helping her out a bit. but problem is i don't know when i can move in. and bonding with the housemate, i am sociable. but at this rate, malaysia has kind of changed me, in what way that i don't know how. my brother is actually coming over to england to study, which is a good thing, but a stressful thing for me because i, as his elder sister, needs to help him fit in and settle down. i have to deal with housing for him and everything else. plus finding a job, i'm positive i'll be able to get one. but the question is when? i want one within two weeks of being there. i believe i actually stress over things i shouldn't do, but then again. that's me right? i really wanna come back during december, i'm very determine too. determination is good enough for me to get what i want (: x

Sunday Family Brunch

2009-09-08T05:43:00.001-07:00

had family brunch that during the last sunday before simon and i fly off to the uk. we headed to TGIFs ordered basically appertizes since i'm not a big eater (the fear of being fat, well i am so who would care) mum and i had mojitoes! well two each to be exact, felt a bit tipsy too. but i thought it was the one of the best mojito i've tasted.

after TGIF's simon and i seperated off with mum and her boyfriend. haha simon and i get a bit annoyed sometimes with them because they seem to take their time plus i wanted cupcake chic :P had a two vanilla cupcakes; one with vanilla icing the other with chocolate icing. the texture of the cake is actually good, very soft as though its melting in the mouth. then..... i actually don't remember much. how wonderful it that!

there's a photo with an item hanging out off its pocket, that's my brother's emergency condom pack! haha, so cute. all his friends has one too. x

2009-09-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

on friday i was in the most weirdest mood ever! i felt drunk even though i didn't have a drop of alcohol (except for wine during dinner) i felt so hyperactive and have nothing to do as well. i was so lifeless to the point, Simon and i actually went ot neway to kareoke. was fun actually, just me and him (: brother and sister bonding time. i became such a pest to many people. apologize in advance. but thanks god i went out in the end. went to OUG to shisha with jeffrey and his mates. fun (: that is where i had the best shisha since being in KL.

well saturday was more jam packed. i had a movie "date" with shazana (: an old ISKL friend, we've been in touch since 7th grade if i'm not mistaken. she thought i was weird at first, i thought she was a proper bitch. haha, in the end we became good friends! can't wait, she's coming over to notts on jan (: so it should be good! we watched up. it was such a cute pixar animation movie. very touching plus the moral values behind it was meaningful. forgive mei do actually analyze and interprete movies. during that night i went to pavillion and zouk, tanes' girlfriend organized a supposely surprise birthday party for him, but it didn't turn out that way. i hungout with corey, and met a few of his friends; Otto, Azrin, Julian. Julian was so stunning, Russian model! so tall and skinny. jealousy! haha. this time in zouk it was fun! i wasn't drunk, though it was tempting. i resisted the temptation (: proud of myself big time! oh a very very funny thing was said that night, Julian the model said i look kinda like devon aoki, the mixed japanese supermodel. haha, you must be kidding me. i was properly the most unflattering and overdressed girl in zouk that night! the best part of this whole night was having to run in heel while it was raining heavily to corey's car! fun times. x

Julian and I

corey! extremely "seksi" man. haha

all four of us

later on Azrin joined us

2009-09-04T02:48:00.001-07:00

6 more days till the uk!

EXCITEMENT RUSHING TO MY HEAD (:
can't wait now, not long to go!

first stop, siobhan's 21st birthday party! x

childhood - teenage memories

2009-09-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

mum's been pressure simon and i to start packing our stuff for england. so i've been going through my boxes located in the store room, and found my primary - middle school box! it was filled with rubbish, but sentimental rubbish.

haha. all my "obsession" during middle school -> daniel radcliffe, harry potter, elijah wood, jay chow and so much more! saw my middle planner, beautifully decorated with print out of daniel radcliffe. oh my days! i remember that year in 7th grade with shazana and olivia, my obsession reach the height. i can't believe it, i actually wrote a poem about him. how lame can that be. the elijah wood came into picture in around late 8th grade, well he does have the most stunning eyes i've ever seen. so beautiful, i could just stare at them day and night.

oh! my childhood collects too (: different cards, stickers, stamps. haha so childish when you come to think of it. but then cute at the same time. i still also got sketchbooks of mine from 8th and 9th grade, and i actually can draw! haha surprise surprise, but in 11th and 12th what the fuck happened? i can't draw to save my life anymore. sad years i guess ):

now my room looks like shit, elements that don't match are everywhere. how unorganize it that, but that's the progress of cleaning up and moving out. i actually can't wait to leave now, i need to "move on" and get a life. all i've been doing is nothing. bored out of my head. time to get hectic again, at least then i'll take my mind of things i want to forget.

by the way, i've got two new piercing (: nothing special, just addition two my left earlobe, hopefully a couple more before i leave for the uk. x

seksi time with my homies :P

2009-09-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

misono, yuka and i were skyping for about 3 hours + until one of use lost our connection. been facebook stalking the whole time, bloody hysterical.

a little snapshot of use skyping, but yuka enomomo decided to play on the wii instead of socialize with us. bitch. but still love her. x

signs by bloc party

2009-09-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

Two ravens in the old oak tree and
One for you and one for me and
Bluebells in the late December
I see signs now all the time

The last time we slept together
There was something that was not there
You never wanted to alarm me
But I'm the one that's drowning now

I could sleep forever these days
Because in my dreams I see you again
But this time fleshed out fuller faced
In your confirmation dress

It was so like you to visit me
To let me know you were okay
It was so like you to visit me
You always worried about someone else

At your funeral I was so upset
So upset so upset
In your life you were larger than this
Statue-statuesque

I see signs now all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back home to me

I see signs now all the time
That you're not dead, you're sleeping
I believe in anything
That brings you back home to me.

- Signs by Bloc Party

this song reminds me of my father's dead. vivid imagery of how he just laid on the hospital bed and his life slowly being replace by death. it was and always will be the most miserable day of my life. it was as though i was trapped in a nightmare that will never end. i never seen a person suffer for so long, and awaiting for death to come. because of you i've become strong, realized that there is more to life. now i'm a happy-go-lucky girl who appreciates everything that comes my way. its been four years and i'm over your death. its just sometimes words, song, movie, tv series, real life story make me think of you, and causes a tear to drop silently down my cheek. x

siblings and their affections

2009-09-01T02:55:00.000-07:00

aw, i love my brother to bits. he's like my twin (nearly there, just only 19 months apart.) it was his birthday on merdeka day (31th august 2009.) to be honest, i don't really take the big deal out of malaysia's independence day. yes i love my country if you minus the politics + prejuidical problems. anyways i came back from hotel party with my friend jeffrey. it was proper memorable! one of the best parties i've been since i've been in malaysia. all his friends were very friendly and very easy to get along with (: thanks for the night.

anyways the lian family went for a small but un-glam lunch. it was alright, I ATE! haha, i need to emphasize that because of my problem i am having. i finished everything :P haha. now i feel fat ): back to the actual topic. siblings and their affections for each other! that's what i here to talk about, mind you it'll all be bullshit though.

people think me and my brother are actually in an relationship or better MARRIED! haha, me and simon married that's just hilarious. plus having to ask us whether we are together, coming people just because we don't look alike, and we are close doesn't mean we are actually together. i to admit sometimes we do actually act like a couple, but that's called sibling love! our affection for each other is indescrible. i look out for him as he does for me. when i'm down he'll cheer me up. when he's in trouble i'm there to help him. we listen to each other when we need a person there. he's my shoulder to lay on as i am to him.

i've met many guys in my life. they are either over-the-top psychotically protective bastards or just plain jerks that use you and can't accept who you are. and that just makes me give up on guys. but simon, he's different maybe because i'm his sister he's the way he is. but at times i'll actually admit he's selfish and very egotistic. (haha who am i to judge when i'm such girl. runs in the family i guess!) does things that only benefit him, but i could see changes in him. and people can change that the whole things (:

anyhow i love my big lil' bro, we're going to england together in about 9 days! scary and nervousity is hitting me again *biting my nails continuously* x

non sense

2009-08-31T06:39:00.000-07:00

i am going to ramble about how much i hate life right now. haha, i am fucking depress. i feel ugly and overweight. i feel so useless and stupid. i believe i can't do shit, and don't understand why am i even going to university. all i wanna do it melt in the wall, and become invisible. hiding away from society all alone. x

Post Alcoholic Depression

2009-08-31T05:29:00.000-07:00

FUCK THIS. there is one reason why i hate the after effect of being under the influence of alcohol and that is not the hangover (because i don't get them often, and i know what cures a hangover) but the very fact that alcohol makes me feel depress or should i say emo!

life sucks and its boring and pointless, i just want to go back to england right now. x

Friends

2009-08-29T12:33:00.001-07:00

people say friends come and go, but i believe once you have a special set of friends that come, they won't just go. misono, yuka and natasha. they are my best friends i've ever gotten. we talked to each other about everything, tell each other our faults and compliment each other for our goods. though we are all scattered all over the world right now, one day i know we'll reunited and pass those days/weeks/months/years with laughter and memories that will never be forgotten. love you, and miss you guys a lot! x

haha, having the most random and weirdest MSN conversation, first started out with misono and then dragged yuka in it. the things we've been and are talking about = ultimate! nothing can top such randomness and crazyness from all four of us. once all four of us are put in a room alone, there will be lots of chattering and laughs (:

yuka and her cockroach adventures. misono and ali comments on my status. plus all the non sense about misono living in kate's vagina. looking for cheap flight back to malaysia. planning out drunk nights out when we come back.

i can't wait! all i have to do it save some money (: and get my air tickets. work hard, study hard and party harder when i'm back in town! x

Some Summer Artwork

2009-08-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

my mum got me doing her sub plan this summer, i can't believe she threw last year's sub plans away! meaning i had redo all grades, from prep senior to grade 5. well here are four of the samples that i've posted up:- self portrait for 5th grade, tropical birds for 3rd grade, butterflies for 2nd grade and sea turtles for 1st grade. but the ultimate is prep senior called hand print horse!

as childish i can be, i've actually named all these 4 of these animals. haha, my mum thought i was being silly. but to be honest, we are still children. my mum can't say anything to defend herself because everyday she has her "mad half an hour" (as she refers it) and today she and simon (my bro) picked on me so much! they were whining me up so badly that i snapped ): haha, but they didn't take it personally.

the names for the name animals are:-
handprint horse = Mandy
sea turtle = Speedy
tropical bird = Paddy
butterfly = Sally

Don't ask me why I chose those names, they just happened to be the first thing that came to my mind, well two of the names are from the tv series called Shameless shown in the uk, so i guess two of the names were from there. x

my course

2009-08-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

okay. since i've nothing what so ever to do, i'm going to start blabbering on about my life in the past 10+ months while living in the uk. first my course (:

i attend nottingham trent university and study BA (HONS) graphic design. i love my subject a lot! even though i do have my break downs due to stress-level. well i can't blame anyone about that, i was the one who decided to party day and night right. right, back to topic! my tutors were good (which is important, unlike stupid lambie) but there were some erm... weird ones? CHRIS BROWN classic example, i bet everyone (well at least i think so) always thought he was hungover (probably is to be frank), or just rolled out of bed without bothering to comb his hair. and there's douglous! and and and anthony! haha, i'm so mean gossiping about my tutors in 1st year.

my courseworks were alright, so fun so not so fun. especially the type hero, i hated it! i really really liked the book cover design, type terms, mycube, and the a moment in time. it was a pity i didn't have much time for my moment in time project. i was stupid enough to leave it 3 days before hand-in time! well what comes around goes around, just thank god i've passed!

my proudest work for the whole year

this is my book cover for "Red Dragon" by Thomas Harris

my page layout basically filled with non sense, maybe that's why i nearly failed first year

a photo which is part of my mycube project, reflects what makes me up.

anyways ppl, that's it for my course. wait a second, i haven't told you about how i use to sleep in "the evolution of graphic design." every monday at 9 in the morning, no doubt toward the middle of his lectures i'll fall asleep like a baby. went to his lecture hungover/drunk before too. oh life! haha x

2009-08-27T03:51:00.000-07:00

i've dyed my hair, it was supposedly called copper, but i think its more toward red. once a brunette, then a blond. now i feel like a red head. sorry about the quality of the photos, my camera was nicked by someone in a houseparty when i had to go to the hospital. i think i should start blogging about my experiences in england from the past year. that's if i remember it :P x

dissappointment

2009-08-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

i'm extremely disappointed with myself ): i can't believe all those month in england where i've drank so much more than last night didn't pay off. i was fucked out of my face, i don't have a clue on what i've done. adding on i bet i humiliated myeslf BIG TIME! well its called SOD'S LAW. fuck it that's life right? x

suffering from "jetlagged"

2009-08-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

i've been in kuala lumpur for more than a month, but i still am on british time ): why can't i just sleep! i was sleepy just now, but now at the moment in time i'm not tired what so ever. maybe i'm hungry. but it can't be, i had dim sum (1 xiu mai, pai guat, and lo pak gou) plus vietnamese kitchen (some chicken piece, half a slice of lemongrass fish, and aberguans with no rice.) this is just sad! i wanna sleep.

i've realized my liking for thinking. i can think all day and night about non sense. but when puzzling situations come along, i can't stop thinking! i "web" out all possibility/signs/signals/whatever to try and solve it myself. but in the end of the day i realized that the only way to know is ask, take action. but then again, i prefer not to do such think because knowing the "answer" from the "question" isn't always a good things.

i'm having a cough plus a sore throat. isn't good ): i'm really hoping i'm not getting H1N1, but i'm actually guessing its too much smoking, shisha-ing and drinking (minus it a bit, give me credit i haven't drank as much i would in england.) but i shall recover, hopefully very soon.

shit this is just great, i have to go my hometown tomorrow. a long drive fro my brother, having actually to see the relatives. it'll be NO FUN! i dislike going back, due to the fact we just never really got along.

anyways i better actually try and sleep now. x

actions has been taken

2009-08-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

i know what i did isn't good, plus i feel really guilty for such action. but now its done, i finally have it off the chest.

we can't always dwell on the past, we have to move forward and seek for the right one.

Back In Action

2009-08-23T10:28:00.001-07:00

i believe the only reason why i'm blogging again, its because i'm getting a bit bored. plus having too much opinions on the top of my head that needs to be release somehow and somewhere.

really i feel extremely egotistic and whiny. haha, all i do it whine.

anyways fuck yuka, she's leaving me again ): it'll be extremely sad, but then hopefully we'll all meet up in melb? london? tokyo? kuala lumpur? we'll find somewhere and somehow. x

3rd Taekwon-Do I.T.F World Cup en Italia!

2008-11-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

well... well... well... never actually saw this coming. but yes, i actually participated in the actual event. 4 events in total, 2 in which i didn't expect at all.
- individual pattern
- individual sparring -52kg
- team pattern
- team sparring

for pattern i felt i did okay, but could had done better. but man, i had a panic attack! i liked cried twice in one day. once before and once after the pattern event. i just suddenly felt like crying, release my stress and shit. anyways it was okay. got out first round, but its okay. its the experience that counts. but for team pattern, it was funny! we were in the semi final already, win or lose, we'll get a bronze medal, so we decided to just go for it! anyhow at least i got a bronze medal!

sparring was a different matter. i sparred like crap in both matches. i didn't mind, just wanted the experience. it was worth it. but for team sparring, i was fucked up. i can't believe it! the coach, whom i don't know told me to go in. i was like, wtf! i mean i didn't train for about 3 weeks or so. then again, with a fucking tall girl! in the end, got hit right below the ribs, thank god for that! if not, i would had dead! well, had crack ribs, and be in pain for like weeks. its no fun for that. *experienced it before*

well, that the competition. but wait for the after party. fuck the argentinians. them, fuckers, tricked me into kissing them. in total 4 of them! well, its over and i was pretty tipsy. so yar, who can you blame except for my dumbwittedness.

that's it for italia (: pictures will be posted soon the internet decides to work again ):

international orientation, freshers week (:

2008-11-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

sorry for the tremendous delay of my blogs, and even though those event were like in sept/oct, i still would love to blog them!

for international orientation, it was pretty much like boring seminar and shit like that. adding on, i don't know what. erm........................................................... don't remember! but do have some fun time. especially one of the first night, where i got trashed so badly! polish and their vodkas (:

for freshers, it was extreme! damn, especially the second/third night? don't remember, but i'll thank my flatmate's friend for that! yar vodka and juice!

here's like two hideous photos of me:

okay, i'll go now and blog something else.

PS. should actually take my camera out often!

back again!

2008-10-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

sorry people who actually read my blog. i just been way too busy or more like i just didn't have anything to write about. but since i'm actually am doing some interesting things, i'll try and update to you as much as i can.

but for now i need to fuck off somewhere and actually get some work done for tomorrow's tutorial group.

that day in publications (:

2008-08-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

here's a bunch of pictures of my bestest friends (natasha, misono and yuka) and i together with my favourite teacher, mr. ubl (:

hope you enjoyed the snapshots (:

cheers!

3 nights in a row (:

2008-08-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

my favourite girlfriend is back (: MISONO HATTORI.

that's why i haven't been updating my blog. i was too busy having fun, partying 3 night in a row. bar club, maison, poppy. damn, feels like the good old times. but its such a pity, its now over for me. because of stupid competition. i will miss those memorable times with you. all the chivas, dancing, and your bra showing, misono.

but also i want to thank natasha for being there for me (: love you lots. don't worry, i love it when you are mushy. sorry if i've been just a rack, and boring or emotional, to all my friends. too many things happened within those days. causing such a break down.

its a bit hard and very boring if i list everything out. but i'm just very happy that misono came back. we are just like the 4 girl in sex and the city. pity, only misono, you match one of the characters, Samantha Jones. But what sucks the most is when you are back, we know that you'll depart us soon. However, sadly this time isn't just you, but yuka too. I feel bad for teasing you a lot, but you are just so adorable when you are teased. don't worry, i love you lots, yuka! just remember to take care of yourself, japan is dangerous and the guys (especially now, everywhere) are tricky and cunning. will do anything to get into your pants. you be careful, i want to you know whether its the right time for you. and NEVER choose a guy by their looks, and don't ever go out alone with a guy at night to bars or clubs. its dangerous. Please get into Waseda, and misono will look after you. teaching you from right to wrong.

misono, there is just too much to say about you. too much to recall. all those bitter but mostly sweet moment with you. those talks we had (: don't worry, i'll never forget the moments with you. you are the most cheerful and happy-go-lucky girl i've known. same goes to natasha, though we haven't known each other for long, we still had a pretty long history together. i love the times we had. you're such a good support! thanks so much for singapore, and death cab. it was worth it. and wedgewood! such a place to remember. and ur parents are just so greatful! i thank them lots.

anyways peace out, i wanna read "breaking dawn."

PS. just a few of the many pictures we took.

death cab and daddy <3

2008-08-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

Death Cab in Singapore

one of my best experiences ever! thanks to my lovely Natasha for telling me and buying me the tickets! i'm so glad we spend the moment together (sound so sappy)

well, they played most of my favourite songs, except for "what sarah said." and some in which i never heard before. (such a fan i am) but i love it! very brilliant (:

below are the pictures i took
(they suck, but to me (as a photographer) are the best :P self-praising)

BUT! there was a fucking problem. i nearly got death cab's autograph, and because of the fucking annoying organizers or manager we couldn't get the autograph. why? because we haven't bought any of their merchandise. exception from that (:

i have a beautiful dream that no one can take away from me. i dreamed of my daddy (: i really miss you so so so much! i wish you were still here to see me. i believe you were looking down on my from above when i receive my HS diploma during graduation. now i'll be going to england (hopefully) can i ask you a favour, can you make it happen? can you make sure i get into university in england. i feel your happiness (: i won't disappoint you, dad! the dream of the best ever! please come to my dreams more often. let me see you in my dreams and lets us talk!

(i know i sound crazy, but i believe in these things)

that's it for now
peace out
PS. love you and miss you lots dad!

concluded

2008-08-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

okay (: i have concluded that the dream was just a dream.

i, therefore have no feelings for him!

now for the world cup. yes, i'm going to the taekwon-do world cup held in italy this year.

wish me luck, i only have like, less than 2 months to train.

i'm going to be wrecked to death! watch me, i'll (FOR SURE) cry )':

adding on a major black eye and a few fracture ribs.

i swear, i'm a nutter to go to such competition. why did i volunteer? stupid kate!

my beloved misono hattori bukkake penis lesbian girlfriend is visiting in 6 days time!

i miss her dearly, can't wait to see her.

shit. i have to balance out all my plans ):

training, shopping, clubbing, tanning, chilling!

i'll be very busy.

peace out

ps. 4kg to go!

robbie <3

2008-08-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

my robbie (:

i've always had a thing for robbie williams (celebrity crush alert)

robbie williams, a british pop singer whom started out in take that. but got thrown out due to his alcohol addiction. within his "rudebox" album, two sing which he sang reflected the life before he joined and the life when he join, 80s and 90s. (i hope i got it right, knowing me)

but what i liked of robbie is his music, and (of cause) he's bad boy image. so damn sexy :P

i was "suppose" to go to his concert in september (i think) in singapore, but got cancel due to robbie's tiredness. i hope i get to catch him in england.

let's have a look at some robbie pictures :P

i have to admit, he isn't the most attractive celebrity. but its he's charisma, his music, he's character portray through his music, the way he smile and pose in his photo, how he concert are (as seen on telly,) and lastly his "bad boy" image. he just can be one!

its all those little things that makes me "love" him!
what i say might not be true, but i don't care (: i heart him <3
and there will be ppl who will TOTALLY disagree with me, and say he isn't attractive at all,
but well, who cares. as long as i know i heart him, i'm happy

there are a number of songs i absolutely love by robbie. i won't explain why, but are the ones that love. always listen to.

Come Undone
Feel
Something Beautiful
Let Me Entertain You
Rock DJ
Eternity
Ghost
80s and 90s

There are just a few named from the top of my head (:
download them :P (if you want to)

Cheers (:

why now?

2008-08-07T02:25:00.000-07:00

i have a crush on you.

why now? why at this every moment in my life?

i sworn never to have feelings for you.

i told you that it was impossible for me to ever like you more than a friend.

but last night, it hit me.

i dreamt of you. i felt something special between us.

something that i never felt for a long time.

as thought i loved you.

but it impossible

you will never feel for me like that

even so, we both know that its impossible

oh elijah and charlie <3

2008-08-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

Green Street Hooligan
Starring Elijah Wood and Charlie Hunnam

this movie was banned by the Malaysian government. yet another movie, i guess it was just "too violent" for us gentle Malaysian. back to the point, the story is about a havard student whom are expelled (because he's roommate, a elite was a coke head, and use Elijah to cover up his wrongdoing to protect his family's reputation) and traveled to England to visit his sister.

during his time in England he dumped into Pete, a football hooligan and *if i'm not mistaken* the major of the GSE (Green Street Elite) Firm. after Matt join the firm, he had gain a deeper understanding of loyalty and a person's reputation.

this is the GSE firm within the movie. notice how small Elijah is.

in the movie, it consisted a lot of violence. but it wasn't the violence and the notion of football hooligans that made me love this movie but the slogan of the movie
"Stand your Ground"
this slogan now became my new motto. this movie related to me in a very indirect way. as a martial artist, respect and loyalty is important. but the part about reputation, it also important for both the leader and the individual. once you walk away, you had some dishonor and disgraced not just your leader but yourself. that's why i found this movie meaning and very good.
.
.
.
now for the eye candy

Charlie Hunnam

in the movie he was like one of those bad boys with a good heart in the end. he was beaten to death in the end (i cried) but it was heroic in the sense that he was making sure that his brother's wife and brother in-law was able to leave the big fighting scene. but also the character he portray had a good sense of humour and a brilliant charisma.

next...

Elijah Wood

i have been having on and off celebrity crushing with Elijah Wood. starting from lord of the rings onwards. but i found that Elijah suited the character, as him always being an innocent looking actor. (not sure about reality though) i love his piercing blue eyes. so beautiful. i'm a sucker for brunets and blue eyes.

that's the end of my post for this movie. i downloaded just so you know and it isn't everyone's cup of tea (:

cheers!

life too short to be afraid

2008-08-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

my room is messy. my clothes are everywhere. i'm living a life of a pig.
just too lazy to care about anything anymore.
but... ... truth is (: i'm lazy, and just don't bother anymore!
the school-less life is fantastic, i particular don't do anything (that's why my room's a mess) i'm going to singapore next week (i think) to watch the death cab concert, kinda regret it, kinda short on money for me, as mother doesn't wanna pay much for me. time to take a trip to the bank ):
what else have i been doing, exception for lazying and administrating. oh! i forgot about two other movies i've watch and loved (:

continuing with my movie saga :P

21
starring Jim Sturgess, Kevin Spacey,
Kate Bosworth, Aaron Yoo, Liza Lapira

as many would know, this movie just came out this year and many might had already watched it. but i just watched it! it's good! i mean the storyline, and how amazing when you can just count cards to win money! but like all movies nowadays it had an amazing twist. but the downfall was i didn't understand the "counting card" process when playing blackjack. kinda sad, i would love to learn it. but just a pity i suck at math!

ask you see, i have another celebrity crush (not big though) on Jim Sturgess. he also played in The Other Boleyn Girl as George Boleyn, the brother of Mary and Ann Boleyn.

Jim Sturgess with Kate Bosworth

The next movie will be separate, as its one of my favourites (:

movies. movies. movies.

2008-07-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

well, recently i've been doing nothing. particularly nothing. okay, i did do some things, to do with my university and stuff. but exception from that and CHORES! i've been lying in bed and watching movie! tv series got kinda boring for me, so i wanted a change. it all started out with the trailer for The Other Boleyn Girl, then Shakespeare in Love. because i was interested in english historical context type, though Shakespeare in Love isn't exactly historical, but the ancient-ness of it, made me want to watch it.

Shakespeare in Love
starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Joseph Fiennes

well, just a short summary. its basically depicting how William Shakespeare (one of the most renown english play writer and poet) wrote Romeo and Juliet. Its pretty much a beautiful movie, involving humour and laughter. but the question lies behind is whether Shakespeare really wrote Romeo and Juliet with such situation. anyhow, i still love this movie. it was the winner for (don't know how much academy awards) but the english within the movie consist a bit of "old english" usage. therefore, it may be hard to understand. but i instantly "fell in love" with "Shakespeare within the movie." So romantic, and his expression when looking as gwyneth paltrow. as the photo shown below is one of my favourites (: so much i wish my boyfriend could write beautiful love poetry ;)

Lady Viola as Juliet and Shakespeare as Romeo

The Other Boleyn Girl
starring Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, and Eric Bana

This movie kind of based on historical facts, although not everything stated within the movie was true. but its interesting, on how the church of england arise, and why king henry VIII did what he did. in addition, the virgin queen was born, which changed many things in the english history (i hope what i'm saying is true) the storyline is based on a novel written by (i don't know who) about two boleyn sisters . mary and anne. one is served as a mistress and the other makes king henry VIII make her queen. be whole story is actually kinda complicated. so better if you watch it for yourself. but its really only recommended for people find historical context interesting.

mary and king henry VIII

me. whining.

2008-07-27T04:44:00.000-07:00

i need somewhere to complain and whine! so i'm doing it here. bewared, if you hate people whom whine, please just leave.

FUCK! i hate administration stuff. i hate the fact i have NO WHERE, literally NO WHERE to live when i start university. guarantee accommodation, bullshit! then why the fuck is all the rooms booked up? i need somewhere to live, mister. i barely know england, and now u want me to go find a private sector? damn, how? i'm stuck. fucking hell. i think i whined about this before, but i'm still pissed cause i want a campus accommodation. its way easier than having to do all those paper work, and checking the places out. such luck i have here! nevermind, i've given up entirely. so what to do?

okay i'm done (:

yes... yes..

2008-07-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty much doing nothing but a lot of things. its hard to explain. i just feel like lazying around, but fuck i have stuff to do. stupid university! why DID i volunteer to go over seas anyway. lame! anyhow, now i'm stuck with no where to live (fucking nottingham trent's accommodation) and stupid visa to do along with EPF. oh, so many things to do just SO i can go overseas.

now lets talk about a movie i've watched recently.
yes i know it's an old movie. but i loved it! its such a chick flick. damn! haha, but only reason why i've watched it cause katherine heigl, commonly known as dr. isobel stevens (:

i've always like her. me and natasha came up with a "beauty classification." and heigl is definately a classic beauty. i've always like classic beauties, which includes liv tyler, audrey hepburn etc. etc. i love the complexions, and standout features. they are, to me, the perfect kind. the bodies aren't too skinny, like the models. but i've noticed has curves, but then again. they are still slim and slender! how i wish to be like them. personally, i admire their beauty, not sure about their personality.

james marsden! i didn't know he was cyclopes in x-men. but anyways he was in the movie, then he's fine! he's a bit skinny, but i'm not complaining. its was his character as kevin doly (i think that was the name) that i loved. so romantic and cheeky! but i find marsden damn sexy! especially his eyes. wow! amazing. charisma (:

anyways that's about it. oh, i'm trying hard to lose weight, but fuck. its hard! just have to keep up with the work out. i also sprint my fucking ankle (again). hate injuries with recovery time! it isn't fun ):

peace out!

oh, just wonderful

2008-07-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

okay. i don't remember when i last updated my blog, but life's okay (: i'm still can't believe i'm off to england in a few weeks time.

but i have dilemma! i feel fat. like fucking fat. so fat that i feel like a elephant or hippo or pig. damn ): its not fun! i wanna be like i was last year when i was like 50kg. now i'm like 60kg ): no fun! note to self, STOP EATING and go WORK OUT! damn ): depressed now! fuck

anyways went to maison, since beloved yuka enomoto will be leaving for japan for like 3 weeks i think. then 9 days after natasha's going to go. i'll be left alone! nevermind, i have to concentrate on my competition. extremely wonderful~ wait! that mean i can lose weight as an excuse :P back to maison. well, we went to mojo first, cause maison was closed for some weird competition. then at 11ish we went back and had fun! danced till my hips couldn't take it anymore. seriously, i need to belly dance with mum again. it helps strengthen my hips and i won't look like slut dancer but a sexy dancer :P speaking of slut dancer. wow! yestereday there were so many i love them! so flattering and feminine. dude, i could left my leg up and shit (thanks to tkd) so i told yuka, maybe i should just perform some kicks the guys will be so erm... excited? haha.

anyway nothing much to say. i have to clean the whole condo up tomorrow and the clothes and dished. thanks to my beloved brother for not doing anything! wow, such a good boy.

so peace out (:

i think you noticed my dilemma (i've gain a lot of weight)

love this photo, cause you can't see my fugly face

me and yuka (:

wow, very flattering indeed!

me and natasha

sometimes i just don't understand you

2008-07-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

well... i kinda lazy to continue with my "mis amigas" entire. but i have another 3 more amigas, whom yo les quieres.

the sun is shining again for me. nottingham trent has finally accepted me (thanks so much or else i would be taking a gap year (wasting my fucking time on nothing)) but now i have to do all the bloody administration stuff, accommodation, visa and shit. adding on the stress of MONEY! i hate the economy, and fuck the people whom keep rising the petrol price. i don't drive but seriously its getting unreasonable. you can't compare it was england, because its 1 against 7 (i like to max it) but not everyone is rich, not everyone can afford to live on luxury. imagine u earn 700rm, and ur petrol consumption is what, about 80rm per week. 80 x approx 4 weeks = 320; 700-320=380. that's left of what you earn, 380 still needs to be spend on food and other necessaries. fuck the idea of saving, you can't save when you have no choice but to spend ur money on things you NEED!

okay that's enough of my non-sense. anyways the information proved it like bullshit, and invalid!

my mum's going to china!! can't wait, a whole week being with my brother. INDEPENDENCE! but i have to do the chores. lame, sods law. i can't wait for natasha to come back from europe, then we can go out and club again! anyways i remember what i wanted to say.

i fucking hate jerks. they are the biggest bastards in the world. i swear they should be castrated, and put on display to let ppl know who they are. anyway there's a guy (no names just incase) told me that he and his girlfriend broke up for good. so he asked me out to club, i said no cause of training reasons. instead said i'll met up with him next thursday, cause he sounds sad. but guess what, later that day i found out he didn't break up! what the fuck.. fucking twat! if you wanted to see just ask me out for a drink, don't need to give some pointless excuse lad. damn you! next time you dare say hi to me, you'll get a slap to your face. i hate jerks like you , i hate liars like you. you don't lie about ur relationship. say your being faithful, fuck it. you told a person you just broke up with them, then what to seek them for comfort! not a chance, i swear you'll get slap if not punch in the face!

anything that got to me was the fact i have to go to another GTF competition. i'm in no mood for competitions, well no mood for GTF ones. i hate their rules, and political bias-ness, especially that day during the sparring with that girl. fuck you, gave it to her and not me when i deserved it (at least what master tan said) nevermind, i'll train even harder and get even more tougher. hopefully not get injured before or during the tournament. imagine kate in a cast just before heading off to england, just a memory to bring with me. i aim for 2 golds this time, 2 golds!

anyways enough of my non sense i'm off

peace out.

MUY FELIZ!!!!!

2008-07-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

Yo tengo muy feliz! Porque yo tengo mi resultados del examen y yo recibido resultados beunos!

(kate's attempt of using her spanish skills)

i'm back on track

2008-07-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

after two days of being emo, fuck, i pulled myself together and started some new paths.
i'm constructing some new roads for myself, new road = new destiny
i currently have 4 plans.

Plan A
- apply for local art school, then after 3 years transfer
- scuba diving license
- more traveling!

Plan B
- if Nottingham Trent University accepts me (:
- for sure, I'll go without second thoughts

Plan C
Part A
- if they reject me
- appeal again for Nottingham Trent University
- all else fails, goodbye England. hello Malaysia!
Part B
- stay in England for a couple of month
- go to Italy to visit my grand-aunt and uncle
- find a job around England too (:

Plan D
- apply to a university in Italy
- look at Academia Italiana, Florence
- learn Italian :P

well, that what i've planned (: hopefully one of them will work out for me
secretly, i'm desperate for plan b (;

just can't get what i want

2008-07-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

life's fucked up, its a piece of shit. i'm not going to england, i've accepted it. i can't wait anymore, its been too long. all i feel like doing now is curling up into a little ball, and cry my head off until i'm dehyedrated and die.

i feel like stabbing myself 3,4 times just so the pain will go away. no one understands how i feel right now. not even my mum, she just tole me there nothing i can do now, but just wait. i can't wait, i'm angry and furious. i just want to die, so all my emotions will go away. then i won't need to feel anything anymore.

i want to go to Nottingham Trent University. i want to make more friends, i want to meet ppl whom i got to know on facebook. i want to visit grandma, grandad, aunty louise, little benny boy, and everyone i know. its so unfair, i just can't get what i want can't it. i was never able to get what i want, i mean the things i wanted in life are never what i want. i want to go to england, i'm dying to go to england. i want that acceptance! that's nothing much to ask for. i'm not doing a medical or a law degree. fuck, i'm doing a graphic designs degree. what do i need to stress that i'm capable for the course, i won't mind killing myself to get in. as i said, i'm dying to get in. i'll die to get in.

fuck it, i give up. i should've gave up long ago.

fuck my future. i give up

2008-07-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

i can't believe it, after so long, the fucking admin calls and says, "they don't know what did i sent them!!!!!!!"

FUCKING HELL,
FUCKING STUPID..
and MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT

damn it, i can't believe i swear. i just give up my hopes, i rather stay in kl and get a scuba diving license and wonder all the diving destination. save my mum and i money!

anyways i cried and shit. but still went out. went to heritage mansion with tanes and his friend g-when (extremely pretty girl, beautiful features)

i was very glad to go, and not everyone can go! its like an A-List area, all the high profit maker and famous go. i got the chance to meet some ppl, whom are... well, very interesting. adding on, a model called "sunshine" she's brilliant and friendly. u know what, do u think

i could be a model?

i can't. she told me and g-when to send in our portfolios and she'll get us some jobs. fuck, even if i send my portfolio, i know i won't get a single fucking job!!!!! i'll do it, if i get one. fucking hell, life's great. then i get more money :P

anyways i fucking hate my life now, and damn depressed. fuck.. i can't stop swearing.

night

fuck is all i can say

2008-07-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

i can't fucking sleep. shit, i wanna sleep.
fuck life sometimes. i hate waiting.
i just wanna know, i'm fucking nervous now.
fuck IB fuck trent. can't in someway i get to know sooner than suffer?
it'll make my life so much better not mention more peaceful, and lesser worry lines

hopefully i get to go out tomorrow night.
please tanes don't cancel on me (:

my music my remedy!

2008-06-30T04:44:00.000-07:00

perhentian was awesome!

beautiful, clear sea. white sand. brilliant bright sun. it everything that i call paradise!
• • •
i went snorkeling a lot, it was a blast,
hopefully through the swimming had helped me lose weight, i'm so fucking fat!
• • •
it was sad though, my tan isn't even my back, legs, and arms are tanned,
but my boobs and stomach isn't. fuck it. disappointment ):
• • •
through this trip, i realized how much the sea calms me
and proves me with excited and a thrill
the sensation is indescribable, but its a good one
a rush of adrenaline!
anyways i've upload some photos, they are in sequence
• • •

side kicking during the sunrise (:

stop the rainbow

perhentian beach view, its so beautiful!

me snorkeling with my pink snorkeling gear :P

sunset from the restaurant

finishing the trip of with a side kick during the sunset while waiting for the coach

the aftermath of a trip for Kate :P

• • •
as you noticed, did a lot of camwhoring.
a lot of memorable family photos (i'm a family girl, who still knows how to have fun)
i love my family, and HEART them
lots of sarcasm, and laughter while being there
pity about the waiting, the fucking bus broke down. damn mad at it
OH!!!!! almost forgot, i touch a sea turtle, my looooong dream has came true.
it was so fun! i mean i had to swim under the sea with my snorkeling gear
the best experience ever! (well, one of the best)
anyways i think that's it

peace out (:

Have a Safe Journey, Natasha!

2008-06-24T10:40:00.000-07:00

today, damn, i actually believe me and nat walked about 2-3 km! it was damn tiring, got fucking blister from my flat! knew i should had just worn my usual flip flops.

anyways we went to sungai wang. haha, just because nat wanted a particular earring, which could be easily found in sungai wang, then we walked and walked from top to bottom, bottom to top! i got a new shirt. fuck, knew i shouldn't had gotten it. mum's going to kill me, if she found me wasting money again! anyway yuka met up with me and nat, she went to "zoo body art" to get a cartilage earring. there we met drankie :p he's not my type, but i loved his nose bridge piercing! (its something like the pic below)

but personally, i'll never get it done. instead before i leave for england(that's if i do), i'm planning to get another piercing around my ear. i've already gotten earlobes, and a helix pierced. i wanna try either a tragus piercing or an industrial piercing.

Tragus Piercing
(the piercing penetrates the tragus)

industrial piercing
(where a straight barbell is used, and it goes through two ear cartilages.. ouch!)

Should I get another one? I really want a industrial piercing, it looks so cool and unusual. see first, i might not even get one. haha.

anyways we went to pavillion, and starhill as well. its so funny, i had mistaken givenchy for balenciaga. i really don't understand how, but i did. anyways nothing much happened, just talked and laughed a lot. here are like 3 picture, where i look horrible and hideous in.

nat and me
such a "wonderful" face isn't it

me and yuka
you can see my eye bags from sleeping at 4am every night! just brilliant...

haha. simple me, and my fat arms.. something else ;)

anyways that's it for now (:
night, peace out!

ps. natasha, have a safe journey! me yelling "chanel" from malaysia to paris!

Is this what I want?

2008-06-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

Is being beautiful or handsome a must for you?

Do you crave for a beautiful or handsome face?
Do you desire for the ideal body?

But what is your the ideal body or face?
Is it this?

or this

For the guys, is this how you wish to be seen as?

or this

To me, looks are everything nowadays. But has it gotten to the point, where even physical appearances are what "sells" things. My ex-photography/publication teacher always said, "the old clique is "sex sells." Such ads, like this Dolce and Gabbana (shown below,) illustrate such saying. In addition, it had also been sued due to being too "graphic," meaning the representation of a bunch of men raping a women.

I'm going off topic here, but what I'm trying to say it how media influences us to become someone else and creates "images" that causes us to admire and "want to be." The image of "how one should look like" has been the doings of media. But we can't entirely blame the media for influence us. We have to partly blame ourselves, as audiences, whom help the media produce such images.

I have seen people complain about their appearance and how much they want to change in order to be "beautiful" or "handsome." My friends do the same, I, personally do the same too. I always wanted to look like Angelina Jolie; having her lips, and jaw lines. Adding on the body of Jessica Alba. There are even a point in my life, where I just wanted to smash the mirror as it reflect an ugly "me". I've been through a lot of different diets, and work out a lot to be where I am today.

But I'm still not satisfied, but when are human beings ever satisfied of what they are? When will we, human, ever say, "this is enough, I'm satisfied with what I got" I noticed not many say that, even if we do, we still crave for more, and better. This idea appeals to many things, but most importantly to "how one wants to look like." Many people go through painful processes, such as diets, cosmetic surgeries, and life threaten experience just to feel satisfied about themselves. Some people die in order to achieve their ideal "looks," by starving themselves, or when plastic surgery "went wrong." When they are gone, do you believe they are satisfied?

Finally, I don't know what you think? But sometimes I feel selfish, I only think about myself, and no others. And that my problem are just something small, while others have to worry about surviving a day.

So think again... What is more important, your satisfaction or others?

PS. I know I'm contradictive, but isn't everyone.
PSS. I know I always get off topic, sorry

Top 10 Things that I am Currently Worrying or Loving

2008-06-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

i'm flipping bored, and pathless. so i'm just blogging for the fun of it. that tells you i'm really jobless and lifeless in ways.

10. loving a school-less life

goodbye ISKL, i loved you and hated you greatly.
don't worry i'll miss the publications and making fun corey loo

9. loving grey's anatomy
oh... beautiful McSteamy and McDreamy that's why i watch grey's, and for some weird reason i wanna become a doctor imagine Kate as a doctor? no, i don't think so

8. Worrying about my weight ):
shit.. shit.. shit.. i think i'm just gaining more and more weight! its not fun at all
i need to train and go to the gym more often

7. loving Death Cab!
i can't believe i'm going to singapore to watch them. thanks to Natasha for telling me, and going with me
if not i would be all alone ): no fun! plus its an once in a lifetime experience

6. Worrying about training
i haven't went training often, and been either sick or injured. so no fun! i hate it
therefore better + stronger = train harder

5. loving Marc Jacobs bags (:
nothing more is needed to be said, i just simply love them

4. Worrying about those poor little children with no food ):
i'm so bloody lucky, and i'm leaving food unfinished. so its makes me wonder ):
how wasteful i am when there are people, especially children, around the world suffering

3. loving my clean and organized room
finally i've cleaned and organized my room. since i've finished school, i haven't done anything
to make it look good :P and now it's beautiful
(pictures will be added later and my room is very small!)

2. loving the sun!
i loving having the sun in my hands :P
the sun makes me happy and gives me tan. so maybe i'll tan tomorrow in my bikini... shit my body ):

Island In The Sun by ~indie-cisive on deviant ART

1. Worrying about my Acceptance Letter from Trent
i really wanna go to nottingham trent.
i just want the experience of being overseas, and being independent
i really want this. its what i want

2008-06-20T05:17:00.000-07:00

i went out last night! so glad i did. It was fun with natasha and yuka.
after last night i realize how much i missed clubbing and dancing.

dumped into jeffrey, abel, daniel and travis in maison too
kind of irony, whenever i see them its always in the club, bloody irony.

anyways natasha took some pictures (:

me being retarded as usual

me, natasha and yuka

me and yuka

me and natasha

it was great fun last night, except at one part of the night i felt like killing myself.
i can't fucking believe i did such an embarrassing thing, after doing it i felt like stabbing myself in the heart three times (trying to beat Elliott Smith's suicide experience, cause he stabbed his heart 2 times)
Anyway this is when i fuck the tequila, and beer. i'm never going to drink and get tipsy again!

PS. i got a new piercing, and yuka's english is so wonderful (talkable, punch the hold... i love your english bakana sakana)

Finally Done with High School (:

2008-06-15T06:22:00.000-07:00

i noticed no photos of my graduation is uploaded (:

well, now i got some. they aren't very good photos of me. too bad, the camera just doesn't like nor it really matters, cause i'm no where near attractive. (there isn't a lot though)

me and corey loo
I ruv annoying u, and stealing ur cookies, and drinking tea with u
go find a girlfriend!

Natasha, Me, Jana, and I Chi
I'll miss you, Jana! Its a shock you're leaving so soon.
We should have hung out more often ): Nevermind, meet me in England okay! (Hopefully that is)
I Chi! My favourite Taiwanese Guy!
I had lots of fun with you in Mandarin Class. ADD and your brilliant singing, that I'll miss.

Mi Familia (:
(Mi hombro, nombre es Simon, mi, y mi madre)
Yo le quieran!
You have always been there for me, when I needed you the most.
Sarcasm, laughter, anger, sadness and everything else

Calvin Lim!
Yo te amo <3
You are the best! No more is needed to be said

No serious (: I really thank everyone that had been there for me.
The teachers and staff
My close beautiful friends

Ahhhhhh.. I can't think of what else to say (:

Peace Out!

Friendship?

2008-06-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

The BIG question for me was always.. "how to make friends? & how to keep them?"
I don't plan to answer this question, its just a rhetorical question

It puzzles me all the time. I envy people with more friends than me. Yes envy, one of the seven deadly sins and I'm "doing" one of them.

Fuck this. How am I suppose to answer the question, when I don't know the answer to such question. Personally, I believe no one does, however, there's solution to such improve the possibility to have more friends.

In my life, I have to admit, there is only two friends whom truly been my best friends. I'm not mentioning names, but here I'm express how I consider a person my best friend.

The amount of years I've been with them
My openness towards them and my comfort around them

I knew these two friends for, what, over 4-5 years. We started out as just strangers, and actually misjudge each other causing conflict and dislike between each other. But being friend isn't always smooth, the road is always dumpy and has many course to go through. Being my best friend isn't always easy, I mean I hardly have any friends. I believe everyone think I'm a fucking stuck up snob, whom nose is just too high, which causes nearly everyone to despise me. But I'm just simply not comfortable to expose myself to others. To let them know how I feel and to let them my secrets and outside-school lifestyle. Therefore, these two people whom to me are my best friends is because I tell them things that others don't know. I tell them, because I trust them, and trust them not to judge me. Instead seek them for advice, in which is useful to me. They help choose which road to take in the course of my life. That's who are often my best friend.

I mean I have other close friends, but around them its harder for me to open up, harder for me to feel me. Its like I have a different person for them. The feeling is hard to describe, and knowing my "large vocab" knowledge, I don't have a word for it. For my close friends, they are there when I need someone to hangout, to talk to, to help, and I'll of cause offer my help. But to discuss my personal personal problem, its harder. Harder for me to let out for them to understand. I mean I am a very emotional and a go getter at thing I want, everything I do is for a cause. If that cause isn't fulfilled I've failed myself. And sometime the failure isn't easily understood by people. They often believe its a small matter, but to me, its something large. Large enough that I still want to hide away and not reveal myself to the world because I have loser written across my forehead. A close friend is a course to reach the best friend level.

A fine line is drawn between close friends and best friends for me. I don't pick best friends easily, and these people I choose may not view me as a bestie, but I do to them. Because of them, I maybe partly who I am today. And I guess some of you out there will understand my unedited and "awkward" sentences mean.

Cheers Folks (:

PS. Getting to be my close friend is pretty hard too (: I mean I know have what 4 close friends, and 2 best friends. Oh, wonderful, I'm a loner.

2008-06-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

Well... Today's been a good day in some way, but sad as well.
Fuck trying to change, cause if Kate doesn't whine, she's not Kate.

I feel like crying ): Fuck emotions. I hate it. Fuck Pandora, but then she gave us faith and hope. Well, hopes is

I get a confirmation letter from Nottingham Trent University, stating I'm accepted!
Staying with Shaz (: I mean it'll be cool, plus the different campus can bond and shit/
To gain more friends and live life to the extreme!

Okay that's what I actually wanted to express, haha.

Peace out, folks.
Maybe update something new and intersting later on

Time to Change

2008-06-10T07:43:00.000-07:00

Since I'm actually on holiday more like waiting to know which road is available for me. I thought I'll stop being egotistic and stop talking about myself, and start posting things that are more worth wild.

Haha, of cause first thing that comes to mind is my current drools (:

Eric Dane - noticed his handsomeness and sexiness from Grey's Anatomy Season 2

His just so sexy look at his body and the smile he has. He has the charisma I love in a guy (:

The second hot-shot doctor that gives me the chills is Patrick Dempsey.

Damn, I can't believe a 42 year old actor can be so handsome and charming

McDreamy and McSteamy both are handsome actors (I know make-up, lighting, editing and angles are a major part - I'm a photographer too). But there something about them that make me like them, fall for them. Another actor...

Ed Westwick - Chuck from Gossip Girl

He has the sexiness and the stare that will make any girl fall for him

Put it this way, I find that many times I fall for an actor or celebrity (how ever u like to put it) is due the character they portray. Therefore, my theory is an individual at most time fall for the character in which the actor or actress is trying to depict in the movie/tv show they are in. This is because in reality, come on let's get serious, you don't actually know the celebrity inside-out. Through non-sense gossip, it does NOT illustrate who they are in reality, meaning how they are around their friends, family, co-worker and etc.

My point and my theory is that a person fall for a celebrity's personality and character shown within the tv show or movie. In addition, its also how deeply the audience (like me) is into the tv show or movie to experience the charisma the character displays. Well, other reasons could be just because they are "hot!" with a "hot body." But that's secondary for me. The reason I love McDreamy and McSteamy is because I like the charisma they give me in the show and for Chuck its the same thing.

So there it goes (: Hope some can relate to what I've express.

Love and Kisses,
Kate (:

2008-06-09T05:57:00.000-07:00

grey's anatomy.
house.
bed and pillows.
snacks and orange juice

my life pretty much evolves around above. plus what's making me feel much "better" is the fact i'm flipping sick. fuck the fever, light headedness, cold, sore throat and body aches. i wanna get better, i wanna be able to have fun.

my head is getting heavy again, i wanna lay down.

so peace out

2008-06-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

her hair was up in a pony tail, her favourite dress tied with a bow.
today was daddy's day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.

but mumm tried to tell her that she probably should stay home.
why the kids might no understand, if she went to school alone.
but she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
what to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.

but still her mother worried or her to dave the day alone.
and that was why once again, she tired to keep her daughter home.
but the little went to school eager to tell them all.
about a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

there were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats.
one by one the teacher called a student from the class.
to introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

at last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
each of themwas searching, for a man who wasn't there

"where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.
"she probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.
and from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

the words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mum.
and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
and with her hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak.
and out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"my daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
but i know he wish he could be, since this is such a special day.
and though you cannot meet him, i want you to know.
all about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.

he loved to tell me stories; he taught me to ride my bike.
he surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
we used to share fudge sundaes, and ice in a cone.
and though you cannot see him.

i'm not standing here alone.
cause my daddy's always with me.
even though we are apart i know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart."

with that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favourite dress,
and from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyong her years.

for she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
and when dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd

she finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.
"i love my daddy very much, he's my shinning star.
and if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
you see he was a fireman and died just this past year.
when airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear.
but sometimes when i close my eyes, it's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
and to her mother amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
a room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.

perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
"i know you're with me daddy," to the silence she called out.
and what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.
not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
but there on the desk beside had her was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
and a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shinning star.
and given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far

by an anoynomous writter

but i love it (: it made me cry. i understand how u feel, just that my dad didn't die like that, but he's died someway too.

2008-06-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

omg. the day where my emotion just showed through was my father's birthday. fuck, i should had realize.......

2008-05-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

well. now i'm at school pretty much bored of my ass.

these few days haven't been much of a highlight. i been quite sad and stressed out.

but just wanna express my feelings somewhere. so here it goes.

i miss you very much

how come i never dream of you anymore

have you left me just in this lonesome world

i still can't let go of you

you still in my heart

you promised me

you promised that you will see me walk along the stage

walking along to get what i deserve the most

you said it'll be another 10 years

but what happened its was only two

i can't let go of you

i just can't

no matter how many i tried to forget

the tragic that once happen

memories of you

still wonder and ponder into my head

i cried for you yesterday

i cried because you promise

i cried because you said you will wait

i cried because i love you

i cried because i miss you

dad no one can replace

i don't care what you have done to make me sad

but you always treasured me

i was 'daddy's little girl (:'

but no longer cause you left me

you left us to survive by ourselves

in a lonely island in the middle of the nowhere

i'll visit you soon

and for one last thing

i hope to dream of you again

i hope to feel you watching me from above

during graduation

love and kisses,

kate ):

there is goes. all my sorrow poured out. i don't know maybe i just an egotistic teenage-ish girl. but sometimes i feel like a little baby who still needs her mummy and daddy to feed her milk. i don't know. i'll be leaving soon ): going halfway around the globe to survive for myself. maybe i need a change and a path that i never thought of taking. i'll miss everyone i have known for years. shit, rahim was right, i'm experience the liminality of leaving high school.

wait. now i say very egotistic now. haha. i'll never change, it just makes me ME. well, i tend to be put other people's personal problem due to the idea of "privacy" of others? anyways i better end it here.

xoxo

kate (:

done... Done... DONE!

2008-05-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

finally school's over, i can return to normal. well haven't been blogging lately, too busy with shitty exams

for this particular blog, i will refer to myself in third person (something i got out of grey's anatomy)

this saturday kate went to prom with calvin. kate thought is was boring, and thought people there were waiting to go to the after party. kate was correct and kate left into the trap. kate went to ruums for the first time, and thought the dance floor and music was brillant, but kate doesn't particularliy like the audience there though.

kate's exam are over. mandarin was a piece of shit, same goes to anthropology. its hurt kate's hands, and kate's wondering why kate even bother taking IB classes. kate got an A- in her english exam (don't judge kate by her english exam score, just because kate's half english. ISKL english is like hard hard, different from public school) kate hate spanish, kate forgot a lot of verbs kate needed to know.

kate's getting annoyed with third person reference and will continue in first person...

i've been watching too much tv series. grey's anatomy, just finished gossip girl, deleted OC for House MD. what's next? Lost or Heroes, sorry not my type. but in episode 22 of season 2 i believe had a song i really loved. its called "nowhere warm" by Kate Havenvik (hey! same name (: anyways here's the lyric, and dn't worry i won't do a "detailed annotation"

I go nowhere high
Go nowhere warm
Until I see your smile and feel your calm
And I lick a dime
I crave for you boy
You’re like a parachute descending from the sky

And I’m sure you’re on your way
Yes I’m sure you’re on the road

I go nowhere high
Go nowhere warm
Until you’re by my side
Your hand in mine
And I’ve always known
You’re like a feather
You go where wind and fire melt together

And I’m sure you’re on your way
Yes I’m sure you’re on the road
And I’m sure you’re faster than before
Yes I know you’re somewhere on the road
I reckon there is nothing more to say

download it if you want to, warn its isn't rnb or rock.. but i don't know a melodic song (:

2008-05-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

odd day are a waste of time. i'm never going to school on such day again. exception from that life pretty the same. started to study mandarin. hate it, fuck literacy devices ):
thanks ricky for making me choose my side (:
making a mother's day book. quite sappy right? who cares :P

anyways... i'm soooooo pissed off. bloody mad at this flipping condo, no water! how can i survive without water, may i ask? now i understand (in some ways) how the third world citizen are feelings due to lack of water and sanitation.

school life's till the same. i have my exam in one and a half weeks. NERVOUS and UNPREPARED! and i have to finish my english like... like... THIS FRIDAY. i'm freaking out with such small problems, imagine people who are suffering. note to kate, stop worrying... be calm!

that's it for now.

XOXO

ps. gossip girl comes out today!
pps. here is my egotistic moment

2008-05-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

fuck artist compulsive disorder. life isn't up to the standard right now. so not brilliant, instead its unremarkable.

2008-05-05T02:05:00.000-07:00

lame... life is getting so boring and still. i have a blooming headache here, and have to wait for my darling mother. it isn't that fun, f8ck i have training tonight as well. not very fun, i wanna just be a snake and fake my death for 5 hours.

yesterday i didn't sleep till 1.30 i think or 2. lack of sleep. lack of food. lack of satisfaction. f8ck life i wanna just go home and curl in my bed and sleep for the rest of my life. i sound so emo ): no fun!

anyways here's the only place i can whine now, i had made a promise not to whine to my mum often. or else she'll ignore me for the whole time. my exam's in like 2 and a half weeks, i only JUST got my notes organized. i wanna go home. that reminds me something to look forward too (: gossip girl! its getting more and more exciting. oh! i love it. imagine ISKL having such blog, freaky right?

anyway i'll update later (:

XOXO
Kate

2008-04-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

today, a wednesday ( : yes i skipped school AGAIN, its becoming a habit and a passion : P i just wanna get my exams over with and out of school. see i'm whining again.

anyways what did i do today? haha, i felt like a tourist today : P took my grand aunt and uncle out to KLCC and went up to the skybridge (i know i can't spell) and i swear i felt like a tourist. long time since that happened.

me and my bro-friend had fantastic bonding time, i swear i was re-living me when i was 10 years old. fights, pokes, scissors-paper-rock, card games. it was great!

and i'm a pig again! i swear i weight 60kg now. chillies, dome and kaya. oh and plus breadfast. 4 stinking meals! i swear i need to lose weight for prom and come to think of it study for anthro!

and i guess that's it ( :

XOXO

PS. i need to bring my camera out more. to record the phenomenal events that occurs within my egotistic life :P

Life as it is

2008-04-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Nothing special as always. Except I skipped school today. Hahaha. For the lamest reason. I need to clean my room desperately, it was just too messy. Even me, Kate, couldn't take it anymore. Now my room's spotless : P

Damn, I'm graduating soon. In like 5 weeks, and in another 4 months (if I pass) I'm off to England for at least 3 years
I'm stunned on how fast time flies. I mean I only seen Misono in Feb, and its already end of April. And I'll be seeing her in August : P SOOOOOO HAPPPPYYYYY. I miss her so much its indescriable.

School's pretty much the same. Well, everythings the same now. Boring and erm, boring. Just like the song "Boring" by The Pierce
I kinda starting to miss clubbing, and dancing. But last time, it annoyed me about catching taxis, and shit. Cause I despises taxi. And Fridays suck. Techno night, BORING! I wanna go to ruums and barcelona for a change, but i know mis amigos won't wanna go. So have to find ppl to take me : P

OH!!! The New Episode of Gossip came out, its brilliant. I'm getting more and more addicted to it : P Can't wait til next week.

I shall stop here, I'm boring people ( :

XOXO
Cheers ~

Art Saga: Finale ( :

2008-04-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

Today was the day! I did my exam, and hopefully I get 6, but I believe its a 5.

Anyways let's start from Friday ( :
I was actually spending all day.. I swear organizing for the exhibition. It was actually fun, and interesting. I was located in between Maggi and Anna. Anna's an amazing artist. She's like brilliant andt talented. And Maggi, I love her theme, and how she approached it. The colours and shapes, beautiful ( :
Back to this egotistic artist now : P Well, I actually encounter one major problem, and that's putting up 8ft long and 4ft width. The wood was too thin to hammer, but too heavy to tape. So I went down to see Mr. Stupka, and he suggested to put a base then place my work infront of it. And there it work, but I had to use two eazils (how ever u spell it) The maintain people are very very friendly, and nice! They helped me with all the nailing and hammering, when i could have done it myself. Anyways here are photos of my exhibition, sorry the quality isn't good, but during the actualy day the exibition, I'll take betters one with me in it ( :

For now I'm really sleepy, and can't continue anymore..
So cheer ( :
XOXO

Happiness!!!!

2008-04-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'M DONE!! THAT ALL I'M GOING TO SAY FOR TODAY ( :

Art Saga: Day 1

2008-04-13T05:37:00.000-07:00

I can start imagining my art exhibiton and exam soon.. Its like next tuesday or monday! I really hope I can get a Sunday slot.. Can't wait just get it over with.

Anyways I just wanted to upload a piece, I'm working on. But its only 50% done.

So let's see if it had work ( :

Just here to Update ( :

2008-04-11T03:40:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been about 2 weeks since I update my blog. The reason is because nothing special happened in my life recently. Yes, I do have a boring life!

During spring break:
All I did was administration stuff. Mum's tax, school fees, EPF, transcripts etc......... BUT! I did go clubbing : P Naughty Kate
I went to heritage row with baby fawn and baby octapus : P hahahahahah Went to maison and bar club! Its "techno" night. And guess what! I was soooooo bored!!!!!! I mean I never get bored while clubbing, but this time. FIRST TIME! Maison was empty like hell, first time it let me down, then we thought bar club would be better. But it was the same shit! Damn, should had just stayed home and slept. But I REALLY REALLY wanted to hangout with my friends, missed them sooooo much!
OH! Guess what ( : We bumped into Jasmine and Gabby while there. Kind of irony right? Hahaha..

After spring break:
All I can say it shites!!! I've have so much things to do. I need to finish off 4 art piece. I'm going to die while doing that! Cause its just too much work, especially when I can't draw and paint! I suck at art, why do I wanna be an artist anyways.. Life's miserable. Because I make it : P I'll stop complaining, because theres like 85% of the world dying from hunger, and here I am complaining on small problems. I'm selfish, I have to change!
Anyways.. what else.. OH!! I'm so obssesed with the OC nowadays. Hahaha, thanks to jeffrey influence. I just had to watch it again, at least I'll be downloading all the music I love from it!

Anyways.. I'll learn to post pictures up soon ( :

PS. 2 weeks till IB art exibition and exam

XOXO

The Two Days Saga

2008-03-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally found a way of putting the pictures together for something that puzzled me for 2 days.

I had a taekwondo competition last weekend. And all I can say I learnt more through this experiences that anyone could have taught me. Being in this competition thought me a lot about myself.

Let's start of with my individual patterns, then sparring, then team sparring...

Individual Patterns:
Simply said... I've lost. I mean, ITF and GTF pattern styles are totally different. They don't do a lot of things that that ITF do, and we don't do a lot of things that GTF does.
I believed I lacked practiced and everything else. I was good, but only that very little bit as Lyonel said. Simply wasn't outstanding enough. So all I can do now is practice and practice and practice...

Individual Sparring:
Let's talk about my brother first... When seeing him in the ring, I was like, "bloody hell, simon's so desperate for the win." Then BANG! He's opponate back fist (which it is a clear foul) and he like stopped for 5 seconds, and kick back into action. BUT what surprices me is he's will and the "go" he gots. Nothing bothered him. Second opponate was the dirtiest, just kept targeting his swollen cheek! Bastard, no sense of sportsmanship. Gave him a bruise nose and cuts on his upper lip, and the technique was even wrong! What more can be said. He's my beloved brother, seeing him been beaten like that, hurt me. But he's tough, yet now he's vulnerable. I just don't have the Simon that I once know. The confident, big-mouthed, all about "i know i can win easily," egotistic... So sad ) : I want him back!

Now its my turn... I'll just combinate both individual and team sparring together... First of all, individual sparring, in the ring I was confident, even though she was the toughest opponate among the other (there was only 4 ppl including me... hahaha) I drew with her during first round, my master said, '1st round was dangerous." But second round, from all that I heard, I was suppose to get a clear win! But all I can say, not clear enough ) : When I found out I lost. I felt so disappointed! All the training, and advising... All the confidence and hopes from other people... Everything was so wasted, and I had failed everyone! The most I've failed myself. I'm lost, I'm not the Kate that I was once am. I was sooooooo disappointed, I knew I could have done it, I knew I could! But I don't know why can't I? The question is why?! Now for team sparring... I went out first match. And yes, I've lost. But I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what happened. Everything is so pointless. I felt I let everyone down, and felt like I just useless and can't do anything right anymore. I mean I accepted defeat easily, but the disappointment I had gain for myself was big. I just can't do it anymore. What happened! Is it lack of training or it is just me? I'm not longer the "baby doberman," I'm more like the "baby." Yes, I cried when I lost, but to release the ANGER, not sadness. The anger towards myself, I felt like killing myself. I felt like quiting. Its ridiculous. But now all I need to do is learn... Learn to control my temper and my emotion, not be too compulsive.

Well, I had express what I wanted too.. I feel better ( : Hahahah
I mean if you read this, you'll find me so egotistic. But that's me ( : Too bad, love me or hate me

XOXO
Kate ( :

my recordings of 28th of March 2008

2008-03-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

I really don't know how to start to blog again. I blogged for a while, then stop? The question why occured to me many times on the reason "why did I stop?" Now I think I could answer that. I was afraid of people discovering what I'm trying to imply and being judged. I was afraid of hurting, and causing conflict. But most of all (thought it may not sound correct,) I was afraid of knowing the truth of what I said isn't the truth, but some reason to make me feel better of sad events.

But why do I record my sad, unhappy, sorrow, and angry happenings rather than happy and joyful time? Don't know. People tend to remember tragery than comedy more I guess. (but i can't tell u whether its true or not) But research had found that the most popular genre of movie or theatrical plays are tragery, not comedy nor the mixture of both! Amazing right?

Now's lets stop with the notion ¿por que? And carry on with what I did today (I'm so egotistic... I acknowledge that ( :

Let's see. Woke up at 10.30am by my beloved bro-friend and went to breakfast with him. Then visited our cousin's glasses shop, to suprize me, my three aunt was there!? I mean, its not that I dislike her. Its just something she said to Simon that disturb me and cause to change my mind about her!

She mentioned about dad. Its been too long. I haven't visited him for more than a year. I think its time for me to face the tragery again.

Anyways I watched gossip girls again and then 4th season of the OC... I'm such a sad person!!!

Now I just know I have to sleep early!! Stupid competitions. I don't like!

XOXO