The Two Days Saga

Well, I finally found a way of putting the pictures together for something that puzzled me for 2 days.

I had a taekwondo competition last weekend. And all I can say I learnt more through this experiences that anyone could have taught me. Being in this competition thought me a lot about myself.

Let's start of with my individual patterns, then sparring, then team sparring...

Individual Patterns:
Simply said... I've lost. I mean, ITF and GTF pattern styles are totally different. They don't do a lot of things that that ITF do, and we don't do a lot of things that GTF does.
I believed I lacked practiced and everything else. I was good, but only that very little bit as Lyonel said. Simply wasn't outstanding enough. So all I can do now is practice and practice and practice...

Individual Sparring:
Let's talk about my brother first... When seeing him in the ring, I was like, "bloody hell, simon's so desperate for the win." Then BANG! He's opponate back fist (which it is a clear foul) and he like stopped for 5 seconds, and kick back into action. BUT what surprices me is he's will and the "go" he gots. Nothing bothered him. Second opponate was the dirtiest, just kept targeting his swollen cheek! Bastard, no sense of sportsmanship. Gave him a bruise nose and cuts on his upper lip, and the technique was even wrong! What more can be said. He's my beloved brother, seeing him been beaten like that, hurt me. But he's tough, yet now he's vulnerable. I just don't have the Simon that I once know. The confident, big-mouthed, all about "i know i can win easily," egotistic... So sad ) : I want him back!

Now its my turn... I'll just combinate both individual and team sparring together... First of all, individual sparring, in the ring I was confident, even though she was the toughest opponate among the other (there was only 4 ppl including me... hahaha) I drew with her during first round, my master said, '1st round was dangerous." But second round, from all that I heard, I was suppose to get a clear win! But all I can say, not clear enough ) : When I found out I lost. I felt so disappointed! All the training, and advising... All the confidence and hopes from other people... Everything was so wasted, and I had failed everyone! The most I've failed myself. I'm lost, I'm not the Kate that I was once am. I was sooooooo disappointed, I knew I could have done it, I knew I could! But I don't know why can't I? The question is why?! Now for team sparring... I went out first match. And yes, I've lost. But I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what happened. Everything is so pointless. I felt I let everyone down, and felt like I just useless and can't do anything right anymore. I mean I accepted defeat easily, but the disappointment I had gain for myself was big. I just can't do it anymore. What happened! Is it lack of training or it is just me? I'm not longer the "baby doberman," I'm more like the "baby." Yes, I cried when I lost, but to release the ANGER, not sadness. The anger towards myself, I felt like killing myself. I felt like quiting. Its ridiculous. But now all I need to do is learn... Learn to control my temper and my emotion, not be too compulsive.

Well, I had express what I wanted too.. I feel better ( : Hahahah
I mean if you read this, you'll find me so egotistic. But that's me ( : Too bad, love me or hate me

XOXO
Kate ( :

my recordings of 28th of March 2008

I really don't know how to start to blog again. I blogged for a while, then stop? The question why occured to me many times on the reason "why did I stop?" Now I think I could answer that. I was afraid of people discovering what I'm trying to imply and being judged. I was afraid of hurting, and causing conflict. But most of all (thought it may not sound correct,) I was afraid of knowing the truth of what I said isn't the truth, but some reason to make me feel better of sad events.

But why do I record my sad, unhappy, sorrow, and angry happenings rather than happy and joyful time? Don't know. People tend to remember tragery than comedy more I guess. (but i can't tell u whether its true or not) But research had found that the most popular genre of movie or theatrical plays are tragery, not comedy nor the mixture of both! Amazing right?

Now's lets stop with the notion ¿por que? And carry on with what I did today (I'm so egotistic... I acknowledge that ( :

Let's see. Woke up at 10.30am by my beloved bro-friend and went to breakfast with him. Then visited our cousin's glasses shop, to suprize me, my three aunt was there!? I mean, its not that I dislike her. Its just something she said to Simon that disturb me and cause to change my mind about her!

She mentioned about dad. Its been too long. I haven't visited him for more than a year. I think its time for me to face the tragery again.

Anyways I watched gossip girls again and then 4th season of the OC... I'm such a sad person!!!

Now I just know I have to sleep early!! Stupid competitions. I don't like!

XOXO